Its been over 3years since my father passed away to the great beyond, memories of all the times we spent together - good or bad, daddy was still the boss in my life. I am now a father to 3 wonderful kids who adore me even when i am yet to take them to disneyland; and love the good and naughty times we spend together.
As another Fathers' Day observation is celebrated worldwide, I thought it wise to assess the transition from sonhood to fatherhood and mentorhood. How much do we learn as a son, how much have we shared as a father and how much have been impacted as mentors???
Young and innocent all I wanted was to grow up and do the stuffs that big boys did; there had to be a male figure who commanded lots of influence and was willing to direct me. Daddy was the typical busy business man, who loved travelling and hosting friends and family whenever he was in town. I watched my dad talk, brag and drink with his peers; the more drinks they had, the louder the talks. As the days turned into years, i saw myself doing same hangouts, drink, brag; this time my dad has grown old to become my mentor - one of those days, he shared his experiences about alchohol, diabetes, fake friends, secrets and regrets about putting other things before family - and I learnt - now my son will learn too.
During festive seasons and celebrations, as children my siblings and I looked forward to new clothes, shoes, toys, et al. Mum was there to hand them out, she knew our sizes and favorite colors; though we knew my dad paid for them, we were mostly interested in the one who gave the gifts. One of those happy days, my dad asked, 'if you were to give a huge amount of money to either of your parents, who would you give?', in response I said 'Mummy, cos she would know your taste and ensure you have the very best'. That response stunned the old boy. The experience has taught me to not only pay for the gifts, but also ensure that I showed how much I loved to give it to them - and I learnt - so my son will learn too.
I grew up in a big family, where cousins, aunties, uncles, relations, etc visited and stayed over many times. Dad in his early age was the typical rich African man who took pride in helping people, solving problems and attending to family issues. He expected people to show gratitude to his kind gestures and would brag about his givings 'if it wasnt for me, you wouldnt be where you are today' he would say laughing loud. He was very angry with those who didnt acknowledge his goodwill. One of those beautiful evenings, daddy now old shared his regrets with me - 'never let your left hand know what your right hand has given' when God blesses you with the heart to give, do it and never seek glory. I have learnt to give out of Gods love - and my son will learn too.
Before my dad passed on, we spent ample time together sharing ideas, knowledge and informations. He valued a good name to riches and gold; he was ready to go to any length to defend his integrity. I knew his likes and dislikes, his friends, his whereabouts, his plans for us his children. He left without doing some of the things he really really wanted to do. There was so much he wanted to share, he was too busy chasing success and when he had time, we the children too became busy with our families, business, academics, et al. Its a clear lesson, even in our busy schedules, make time for the kids; tell them all they need to know and you'll save them loads. I have learnt - and my son will learn too.
Despite all the errors of fatherhood my dad made, when he became my mentor i knew that God had blessed me with a good man. My dad left us for a year and went on a personal retreat to study the truth about God. He had read the Bible back-to-back twice, by the time he came back home, we knew the old boy has grown wiser. I am in my third year of reading the Bible back-to-back and have found so much joy - and my son will learn too. Dad didnt just teach me how to pray, he prayed for and with me.
My dad corrected my tenses, showed me how to piece words together, inducted me into drinking coffee, gave me newspapers to read, discussed politics with me. I remember vividly at age 9, he would ask me to watch to the evening news and relay to him the main news. The true value of all these occured to me when he departed - its now my turn to put my son in the right.
I have devoted so much time with my wife and kids, cos i know what it means to be a Son, Father and a Mentor when my son becomes old enough to start his own family. Closing my eyes, I can write my dads biography over and over again - my prayer is for my son to know and achieve more than I did. The mistake we make as parents is that we keep it too long to discover who we are and when we actively get involve in our childrens lives. Fathers teach Sons how to grow, Mentors teach older sons from their experience.
To every man who has been blessed with a child; delay may be dangerous, time is now to teach this kids what they ought to know and do. HAPPY FATHERS DAY.
